Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
