he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
