My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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