just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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