i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
