Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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