so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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