Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize