he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
