if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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