becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
