You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
