if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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