I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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