I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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