1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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