Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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