I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
