she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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