he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
