Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
