Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
