covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
