Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
