I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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