Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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