it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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