and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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