i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
