yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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