im drinking this country out of the recession.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Randomize
