don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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