First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
