do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
