I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
