Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
