OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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