So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
