I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
