is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
