you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
