Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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