margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Randomize
