This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
