Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He did a backflip because drugs
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