Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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