Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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