I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
