He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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