i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
this hospital has no fireball
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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